Santa's Burger

Old St. Nick takes a fat crap on your judgement and bank account
Nova gets 80's van motor - you get blue Christmas
Grumbles the Scamp - trade for Volare for paper route
Was gonna make a dragster - but instead I'm gonna bail on my dreams
Wasteland Tego needs new parents this Holiday
Crappy's here

Drive slow, but own it

Video Roundup - movie cars edition

Billy Blaze's sweet ride (possibly the best car graphic ever)
Eleanor lands hard in this slo-mo crash porn
Pinto + Monaco + Country Squire + Illinois Nazis = EPIC WIN
somewhat overlooked gem, and my vote for best car chase ending of all time
Daddy Rich arrives in a mustard Lincoln limo
Dr. Johnny Fever and the Nanny rolling in another late 70s Lincoln Limo
Honkey rappin' about the cars he built for Superfly
Max Headroom yells "Burt! Your yogurt!" and then it's Dabney Coleman chasing criminals in an 80s Diplomat. You're welcome
You should see the damage Bronze!
Astonishing figure-8 race footage from the opening credits to Herbie the Love Bug

Here comes the FUZZ

this car looks mean. I think this car could beat me up
the coffee cup sets it off
includes radar gun!
awesome sleeper
Might not look like a cop car, but the speedo & upholstery will convince you
Buford T. Justice
Chartreuse and white with glass doors over the headlights
dog dish
"partially restored" means completely disassembled
don't know if genuine, but it's tough
So you're telling me that the Andy Griffith police car had Mexican blanket upholstery?

3rd seat mafia

a misguided soul accidentally creates pure genius
humongous, really ugly, super fast, cheap, totally awesome
When you do a "custom" paint job like this you have to know you're stuck with the car
Righteous oddball straight out of Harry and the Hendersons
like a Kraft single you dropped in the playground
Awesome ride, but good luck sourcing that rear woodgrain trim!
engine bay shows the true color of this million-pound rolling fortress
calamity
mint condition yawn
smart looking chap
stopped driving it because of a flat tire? cops want to buy it? smells fishy bro
I've seen some weirdo color combos in my time, but this is just odd
back up that Kam
WOW! Ad of the year, car of the year, remove your hats please and show some respect
just enough windshield to put a price on it

Ever dreamed of being a cop, but not an exciting cop; more like the cop that shows up to take photos?

The most amazing police vehicle ever for $1,500!

Last Car You'll Ever Drive

End of days. You're gonna need two turbos
Luxury until it goes dark
Delta blur wagon owns the Apocolypse
Drive one, cause they'll be all around you any how
Velour price drop
Lil pony stalls out when shit heats up
Pleasure up on your side
Restore for maximum yawness
It's like if someone farted directly into your nose

Shaygie's Mitzvah

Belch smoke like a coal furnace this holiday season
Arkansas doubles down on comin' correct
Play dice ? Roll diamonds !
Books of fiction and non-fiction
Lamborero
Long Island sets the tone for greatness
Christmas comes in Brunswick-Vision
Shreveport was kind enough to house Santa's sleigh
Before Ferrari pulled the plug on MarroBird
I would pay twice the price just for the tires
Finish this and park it at Lemons HQ
Won't last ! - Everything's wrong and terrible - your gain !

74 Gives the Gas Face

Destroy the opposition with luxury
Bumpers weigh more then entire car - free cobwebs with purchase
Disaster mobile comes with free photos of cars in nice shape
Mom ! Invader's outside
Mega comes with nice car you don't get
Special lost title edition
You can make this into the Facts of Life car if your're interested
Who Farted ?

Sandusky Boot Knock

Cold Bust It 
Shame Era Maro comes with 3 piece spoiler
I feel a Taz revival comin' on this year
Freeze your freakin' ass off this winter
This is gonna look great in your garage if it's anywhere big enough
American Indians take pride in the AMC Navaho print

Tried to do special editions from the 80s, but its a cold and lonely search

You're a sport? No Eurosport

Great hauling vehicle? $5,700? Am I missing something here?

GTZ

X

R

4

T

i? Not quite, but who remembered that this existed

Sniff the Fart

Someone put a name plate on an cart made of metal - you buy it - rare
Put in a barn in the first place for being shitty
Dummy owns it
Demand that your friends laugh at you
Train to heaven just pulled up
Thundroburd's on the outs
Impress your friends on how rare and boring you can be
Look fast and drive slow

Treat Her Right For Christmas with Autocar

I heard your lady's down with Jake Brakes
I heard your lady's down with 8 speeds
I heard your lady's down with 10 wheels
I heard your lady's down with that wood box body
I heard your lady's down with that motorhome frame
I heard your lady's down with that Holmes twin
I heard your lady get's down with that tandem cab

Macon, Georgia Sprints To Greatness

Apache hosts donk bug in background
Rambler with rare no drivetrain - sport option for 61
Call Marty - buy some shit from the woods
Rotbird flies no more
Shitlark wants you to punch it in the ass some more
Clog up the entire neighborhood
Rocky got mashed in the eye, but still wears fine threads
Asstown
Cassettes yo.
Lemony slab with daycare interior
Hardtimes means you buy Monza
Was running when I buried it 4 feet underground
Coupe D comes with chain bridge D's and Vouges
Shit bog it

Motor City Stool Sample

I wanna car that looks half this pissed
Hello Pep Boys, yeah I need parts for my Montcalm
Only if your other car is a boat can you fit this in the garage
Ram into everything and still get to where you are going
Tell women you drive a classic
Give your welder a workout
Hot Built Sleeper with little blue cloud
Call Perry for Breezeway exhaust huffer
Buy gas, call Wayne, do brake stands
Here's what it looked like before I took it apart
Drive shaft will require a second mortgage
Beaten into oblivion with the belts it needs

Terra Haute Is For Ballers

Big slab of cheddar broke out of it's individually wrapped baggy
Monopolize on the Father/Son breakup and slide into corners
Why settle for the world when you can have a whole Galaxie
Rascal - bueno
Hopefully you'll never have to replace a fender
Dash pad made from estranged Aunt's curtains
Makes a great Christmas gift - Ran Last Year
Mack hard up the Ave.
Veedersburg is off the chain
All the way slow

Dakotas Flex North To South

Hood is made from BBQ Chips
Make this your dream Maro
Sex Hard
Fridged ice donker
Ready to roll out - you don't need glass or blinkers - fuck it
This is how the cool mofuckers do it

Boise's Gettin' Ready to Do This

Get into space without leaving Earth
Flat gray with metallic red accents
Build a bigger garage
Buy this just to install the dash in your living room
Haul and drag all shit
Haul barely anything with style
Add grille and blankets for seats and go do some brake stands
Go show up some $50k skyboggers with this O/G forest nymph

Eat Shit Cyber Monday - Buy Awesome Stuff In Person

Wanna know why you're not "The Man"? - Cause this guy's "The Man"
Second to last photo was a way cooler rendition
Hey Winnie put a French motor in it
In case of accident, call mortuary
First 30 minutes of Smokey and the Bandit backdrop

Giving Thanks Series IV - American Motors Corporation

Orange Yawn - $1200
Interior ass fucked by Earth's largest cock
8 Way Santa Seating
Gremlin plus Maro yields sorrow
Restored by nobody
Exterior color the inspiration for Dockers
Lemons drivers man up
Car that nobody's restored almost restored
Like a baseball hat for the ground
Fifteen gallons of brown
Rock it Aardvark style

Nothing comforts like denim
Where's all the women at ?

Giving Thanks Series III - Customization

Wrap yourself in old tomato skins
When you take the time to airbrush some space shit under the hood
Suicide doors on your pickup - I'd think yes
Passenger gets beats to the face
South Jersey comes correct with DonkDoba
I lost interest as well and I've only seen it for about 3 minutes
Call Mike - Invest in tires
Mahalo
Time to drop and pop in Spokane
yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss

Giving Thanks Series II - 1959 - 1961

Tawas City's got a larger version of that carousel car you rode in at age 8
Mr. Shy guy hangs out in the evergreens
Parallel parking biceps builder
Dirty white prebuilt model and random bullshit
Freak out some car nerds and roll as is - maybe paint it with latex house paint
Live an incredibly specific lifestyle
Has everything inside except any kind of engine or place to put your feet
All Pontiacs from this era are pretty ruling
Although it burned up on re-entry this New Yorker was once all the way hype
Slap some carpet down and live the pleasure
Six headlights - yes please
Call within these specific hours - I'm very busy collecting crap
Five cans of Krylon later it's time to grab that Octagonal steering wheel and hit the beach
It's bewildering this still exists in Syracuse
Call Dave for a decades worth of work

Giving Thanks Series 1 - Custom Vans

Giving thanks for roof carpeting and CRT televisions
Giving thanks for folks who lust after oddball French shit
We're thankful for building an A-Team van that doesn't look like the A-Team van at all.
Thankin' sweet, sweet Jesus for yards full of bullshit where cars for sale lurk like crawdads
Thankin' for high school windows, porthole bedroom entries, and ceilings softer than the floor
Thankful for previous owners getting crafty with house paint
Givin' thanks for Sawzalls and welding skills
So much thanks for airbrushes, chandeliers and naming anything Eagle Mania
Thankin' for stuff for sale that looks like 10 homeless men fight and squat in it

Texarkana Flexes Hard

Don't leave a bear in your truck
I don't have a title, but this is how it would look and could
All this car needs is to be painted and restore
Was an S-code, but with no drivetrain it's now a very rare Shit-Code - enjoy
Buy this and go man trapping
Passenger seat removed to make room for assloads of nitrous
Haulin' low hz
I think I saw an angel, it's so misty
Wanna get robbed without the hassle of guns and ski masks ?
When you win the ugly girl at the dance auction
Here comes spunky

Borrow Mom's Car

Veteran's Day Rat Tat Ka-Powness

Crush your enemies
See them driven before you
and hear the lamentation of the women

The Fall Guy jumped one of these a whole bunch
Wreck the shit out of your neighbor's yard
How do you know when you have too much property ?
Drive in the bike lane
When you want to drag those condos next door down the street
Tried to fix it, but you know how complex Jeeps can be
Perfect for all those parades you've been planning
Come check out my yard full of bullshit and see what meets your needs

Stove Pipin'

Puts out both black and white smoke - you win
Stockton Knows greatness
I wonder if Chuck D's is diesel ?
I cannot check emails cause I ran out of money restoring my Rabbit
As long as you don't drive it far the clutch won't slip
AM/FM/8-Track broh
Zero to sixty mph crumpled by a tree
Klunky's ready to bless America

Unconditional Honkey

Milkbat with silly history and loads of neglect wants fat duckets
Flying car with no flying history doesn't fly
Sasquatch is easier to locate
I have a friend with a fetish for these
History of drunk driving
Le Leopard
Couple this with Milkbat and you've got a helluva crime fightin team
Ships directly to Snooky's crib

Liberty Bell Ring Rangy Mega Blast

Tree caved in roof and years of neglect, but that's all
Get it for the luxurious styling and advanced fuel injection
interested partys can see tom sr. - front seat upholstered in spray hair
Deliver an assload of mail
The Modern Man rolls contempo
Don't fix a thing and be an outlaw and get more tattoos and drink whiskey
Draw middle fingers around the rust and put house plants under the leaky sunroof
Valve covers are off - who knows why ? - pick up chicks with low self esteem
Just sit in that blue chair and look over this magical scene
Steering wheel made of freezer burned chocolate ice cream
Here's your chance to read LOL a bunch and then get the threatening end part
Good daily driver and the girls from the magazine ride along for commuter lanes
These cars are boss - you should own it already
Fill it with Yuengling and make a thousand new friends today
Self preservation forces sale

Kit Shit

Brown velour was always my favorite Ferrari interior
Body in nice - ask Jim for engine to shred frame and body apart at speed
Call Joey preferred for Michael Knightness
Speedo always at zero
Orange portal to the future
I was gonna put a Subaru motor in it and then instead I put a kid in my house
Automatic Ferraris are the funnest
Need some crap in your yard ?
Your wife's gonna love it
Push this in a lake
Call Ben to discuss several horrible choices

Washington D.C. Election Results

Here's some bullshit with no information
Hate to let it go, but also hate to own it
Unhappy with results ? Go British and be unhappy about something else
Celebrate your piece of history with a baggy headliner
Interior made from the same parchment as the Constitution
Drive the fiscal cliff
Start working on your compound
Trade for Dablunes and Deutschmarks 

True Patriot

Ultra Wave

Your not funky enough to drive this shit.

CountVanUlaFunkaFradulistic

AMC Jaggernaut

SST involved in 20 year super storm
Be the guy with the rarest dumb cars
All money down on beige
Cruise that neugut interior
Maximize your daily irony
Highly collectable estate vehicle - bring your monocle
Score that AMX you've been sweatin'
Drive everyone to the party - leave those wheels and dice on the lawn
Uppercrust surroundings re-assure your purchase
Liberace sun blocker included
Call John for well rested field X
Interior made of puppy stained newsprint

We're Not Gonna Take It

Ran before setting out on ridiculous journey
Dynamic comes with 44" ground hoggers
Call Mike for Horse/Bird lab work
Smokey's gonna have a hard time catching the Bandit in the forest

Spook Central

Plenty of family room for tricks or treats
Picture no. 2 illustrates the possibilities with Stephen King money
Desert death machine
Get prop silly with it
Delta corpse cruiser
Halloween's so close - blow four large
Heavy in Beaverton
Creamy final destination - payment plan available
Just in case someone dies in the forest
Munsters pack much knock
Oldsmobronic corpse hauler
Zero destination before the internet
Call Don for most exciting thing in dullest neighborhood
Funeral goth death embalm cemetery home fall scary haunted house prop display coffin dead halloween

NYC Transit Service

Get a corner brat with the top down
Lower Manhattan Food Truck
Restore your twin outboards as you float through Red Hook
Hit the Village in your Volvo powered Hydrodyne
Stop dreaming that New York is flooded - live it
Williamsburg art gallery shuttle
Avenue C pizza delivery - 2 minutes or less

Geo Headed For NY

Great in snow - totally down with DMV folk
Call Roy for lots to like
Get more bright blue all up in your commute
Full sunshine model - interior worn some
Punky graphics plays in yard
Throw away car put smiley face on wall
Jump this hard - six hundred dollars worth
This needs a hurricane

STORM'S A BREWIN' Hurricane Sandy edition

Cyclone's coming our way? Not quite

Napoleon complex

"Saudi Syclone"? If you say so

SyVettZer

CloneSy or Syclone?
Looks pretty damn fun I have to say
What do I get with this option? No chrome or back bumper; that's it
horrible color, works fine
some vehicles can't look tough no matter the name
this thing looks like Michael Myers from Halloween
go ahead Bro; brag about the paint!
I might have a suggestion on how to better sell this sweet donkey

Oldsmobronic World Series 2012

Cadillac
Melty 61 Deville for good cause
Chocolate Mint 60 Deville comes seasoned with rust
- detroit takes it cause Fred packs much steel in the driveway

Chevrolet
Survived the first half hour of the Wizard of Oz - but barely
Bed set for early departure
-sf takes it for whole car planning on staying whole

Oldsmobile
Halloween ready interior
Woody with down comforter stapled to the ceiling
- detroit for coming with rear barf seat

Pontiac
Poo Poo diaper front seats
Front fenders come with blow hole sport option
- detroit takes it for having the gall to be offended by lowballers on his lowball offering

Weekend Nuptials Wrap Up

Three out of 6 doors can be lubed

Ulta plays bat mitzvahvah

Carsick without moving

Six bottles of Kris and no toupe

Impossible plushness

Chances are it will break apart on re-entry

Move your feet, I'm playing a movie - from Fresno and Beyond

Eight hundred dollar tv antenna

Phil Donahue edition communication center

Put all money down on black - and white

Aztec Beats compliment daytons

Funeral for style
Pay me to fix my own project
Wedding Commuter
Tri-Pony hit and run
Bonneville flat track it with extended family inside
Straight frame preserved in dirt - jackals as current tennants

Oldsmobuick Weekend Operations

All of us at Oldsmobuick will be out on wedding recon this weekend.
We shall return on Monday to post more nonsense.

To tide you over - watch this bullshit on vanning until our return

xo
The Staff

What if a power sunroof and T-Tops had a baby? A weird, ugly baby

Beyond rare crazy option; only 7 Cadillacs and 1 Toronado received this bizarro treatment

Pics of the aforementioned Toronado, also featuring a back window bent at right angles with "Hot Wire" technology. And all this time I thought hot wire technology was someone boosting your car without keys

Another 3-sided back window Toronado

yet another. That just about wraps it up for the world's supply

Pack It With Scat

Swinger Nein Fourty

Pushin' it through the streets by spring

Brown bear lives inside

Double your pumper

Hasn't scared anyone since 1981

You're gonna need a bigger hood scoop

Nobody botched it.. yet.

I wonder what kinda motor is in there ?

Extremely rare engine - no engine

No Honey since 83

Grandma's massive glasses for light surrounds

Car comes with new chapter in American History

Little red wagons worth of automobile

Factory Air

Generate barely any wind
Buy this - sell me the Jackman wheels right away - thank you
Turn way less
Happy froggy casket
Got my fender skirts from Home Depot
Biscotti frame and mint chip knock offs
Drive the short angry guy
Thirty grand's worth of irony
Beat the seller with the steering wheel and gauges
Test to find out if you're 'That Guy'