Dakotas Flex North To South

Hood is made from BBQ Chips
Make this your dream Maro
Sex Hard
Fridged ice donker
Ready to roll out - you don't need glass or blinkers - fuck it
This is how the cool mofuckers do it

Boise's Gettin' Ready to Do This

Get into space without leaving Earth
Flat gray with metallic red accents
Build a bigger garage
Buy this just to install the dash in your living room
Haul and drag all shit
Haul barely anything with style
Add grille and blankets for seats and go do some brake stands
Go show up some $50k skyboggers with this O/G forest nymph

Eat Shit Cyber Monday - Buy Awesome Stuff In Person

Wanna know why you're not "The Man"? - Cause this guy's "The Man"
Second to last photo was a way cooler rendition
Hey Winnie put a French motor in it
In case of accident, call mortuary
First 30 minutes of Smokey and the Bandit backdrop

Giving Thanks Series IV - American Motors Corporation

Orange Yawn - $1200
Interior ass fucked by Earth's largest cock
8 Way Santa Seating
Gremlin plus Maro yields sorrow
Restored by nobody
Exterior color the inspiration for Dockers
Lemons drivers man up
Car that nobody's restored almost restored
Like a baseball hat for the ground
Fifteen gallons of brown
Rock it Aardvark style

Nothing comforts like denim
Where's all the women at ?

Giving Thanks Series III - Customization

Wrap yourself in old tomato skins
When you take the time to airbrush some space shit under the hood
Suicide doors on your pickup - I'd think yes
Passenger gets beats to the face
South Jersey comes correct with DonkDoba
I lost interest as well and I've only seen it for about 3 minutes
Call Mike - Invest in tires
Mahalo
Time to drop and pop in Spokane
yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss

Giving Thanks Series II - 1959 - 1961

Tawas City's got a larger version of that carousel car you rode in at age 8
Mr. Shy guy hangs out in the evergreens
Parallel parking biceps builder
Dirty white prebuilt model and random bullshit
Freak out some car nerds and roll as is - maybe paint it with latex house paint
Live an incredibly specific lifestyle
Has everything inside except any kind of engine or place to put your feet
All Pontiacs from this era are pretty ruling
Although it burned up on re-entry this New Yorker was once all the way hype
Slap some carpet down and live the pleasure
Six headlights - yes please
Call within these specific hours - I'm very busy collecting crap
Five cans of Krylon later it's time to grab that Octagonal steering wheel and hit the beach
It's bewildering this still exists in Syracuse
Call Dave for a decades worth of work

Giving Thanks Series 1 - Custom Vans

Giving thanks for roof carpeting and CRT televisions
Giving thanks for folks who lust after oddball French shit
We're thankful for building an A-Team van that doesn't look like the A-Team van at all.
Thankin' sweet, sweet Jesus for yards full of bullshit where cars for sale lurk like crawdads
Thankin' for high school windows, porthole bedroom entries, and ceilings softer than the floor
Thankful for previous owners getting crafty with house paint
Givin' thanks for Sawzalls and welding skills
So much thanks for airbrushes, chandeliers and naming anything Eagle Mania
Thankin' for stuff for sale that looks like 10 homeless men fight and squat in it

Texarkana Flexes Hard

Don't leave a bear in your truck
I don't have a title, but this is how it would look and could
All this car needs is to be painted and restore
Was an S-code, but with no drivetrain it's now a very rare Shit-Code - enjoy
Buy this and go man trapping
Passenger seat removed to make room for assloads of nitrous
Haulin' low hz
I think I saw an angel, it's so misty
Wanna get robbed without the hassle of guns and ski masks ?
When you win the ugly girl at the dance auction
Here comes spunky

Borrow Mom's Car

Veteran's Day Rat Tat Ka-Powness

Crush your enemies
See them driven before you
and hear the lamentation of the women

The Fall Guy jumped one of these a whole bunch
Wreck the shit out of your neighbor's yard
How do you know when you have too much property ?
Drive in the bike lane
When you want to drag those condos next door down the street
Tried to fix it, but you know how complex Jeeps can be
Perfect for all those parades you've been planning
Come check out my yard full of bullshit and see what meets your needs

Stove Pipin'

Puts out both black and white smoke - you win
Stockton Knows greatness
I wonder if Chuck D's is diesel ?
I cannot check emails cause I ran out of money restoring my Rabbit
As long as you don't drive it far the clutch won't slip
AM/FM/8-Track broh
Zero to sixty mph crumpled by a tree
Klunky's ready to bless America

Unconditional Honkey

Milkbat with silly history and loads of neglect wants fat duckets
Flying car with no flying history doesn't fly
Sasquatch is easier to locate
I have a friend with a fetish for these
History of drunk driving
Le Leopard
Couple this with Milkbat and you've got a helluva crime fightin team
Ships directly to Snooky's crib

Liberty Bell Ring Rangy Mega Blast

Tree caved in roof and years of neglect, but that's all
Get it for the luxurious styling and advanced fuel injection
interested partys can see tom sr. - front seat upholstered in spray hair
Deliver an assload of mail
The Modern Man rolls contempo
Don't fix a thing and be an outlaw and get more tattoos and drink whiskey
Draw middle fingers around the rust and put house plants under the leaky sunroof
Valve covers are off - who knows why ? - pick up chicks with low self esteem
Just sit in that blue chair and look over this magical scene
Steering wheel made of freezer burned chocolate ice cream
Here's your chance to read LOL a bunch and then get the threatening end part
Good daily driver and the girls from the magazine ride along for commuter lanes
These cars are boss - you should own it already
Fill it with Yuengling and make a thousand new friends today
Self preservation forces sale

Kit Shit

Brown velour was always my favorite Ferrari interior
Body in nice - ask Jim for engine to shred frame and body apart at speed
Call Joey preferred for Michael Knightness
Speedo always at zero
Orange portal to the future
I was gonna put a Subaru motor in it and then instead I put a kid in my house
Automatic Ferraris are the funnest
Need some crap in your yard ?
Your wife's gonna love it
Push this in a lake
Call Ben to discuss several horrible choices

Washington D.C. Election Results

Here's some bullshit with no information
Hate to let it go, but also hate to own it
Unhappy with results ? Go British and be unhappy about something else
Celebrate your piece of history with a baggy headliner
Interior made from the same parchment as the Constitution
Drive the fiscal cliff
Start working on your compound
Trade for Dablunes and Deutschmarks 

True Patriot

Ultra Wave

Your not funky enough to drive this shit.

CountVanUlaFunkaFradulistic

AMC Jaggernaut

SST involved in 20 year super storm
Be the guy with the rarest dumb cars
All money down on beige
Cruise that neugut interior
Maximize your daily irony
Highly collectable estate vehicle - bring your monocle
Score that AMX you've been sweatin'
Drive everyone to the party - leave those wheels and dice on the lawn
Uppercrust surroundings re-assure your purchase
Liberace sun blocker included
Call John for well rested field X
Interior made of puppy stained newsprint

We're Not Gonna Take It

Ran before setting out on ridiculous journey
Dynamic comes with 44" ground hoggers
Call Mike for Horse/Bird lab work
Smokey's gonna have a hard time catching the Bandit in the forest