Mega Fuck

Self Assembled - carpet is clutch
The TS stands for "Tough Shit" when you're at the auto parts store
Maximum Wackness
Stored in a shed since 1930 with a clear photo of it in the forest with an old guy
Get in to get slow
Cat Rod

Roll Hard Player

Regal - Tagged
Please the neighbors !
Hit your man up for cash only seat blowout
Mono Grip
16" Daytons
Oh look honey, a pile of bullshit.
Sup Doodle Bug
Yeah Merced
Best seat award goes to ....

Burger / Fry

Matching numbers if it came with the "Fucking Loud" option
Crumbles is ready for paint if you don't require fenders
Frustrate a loved one at Christmas - comes with leafy go cart
Under a cover, yet somehow totally filthy
Haul ass for $3500
Whoa
I was gonna do some shit, but instead I just lost the motor
Just touch up the interior and Bam !

Brown Sunday Muskegon Basement Prices !

Signature series Conti comes with rock bottom dubs
Muddy GP equipped with cumbersome door exhaust and storm cloud decor
Feel your way through snow storms in this punky Crown Vic !
Professional disassembler has several bad ideas for sale
Oscars got Monte borded over for luxury sale
Huge pile of snow for sale
Leave it in the yard and watch porn it there
Nobody hates to see this go

The Best

Bozeman Gives Thanks

Haul more drive less
Go wherever the hell you feel like
Package deal enables you to put that windjammer on your Datsun
$50k if you produce a burnout
Special Edition Mega Jumbo
Ram Power ! does not come with four wheeler, or does it ???
Call Russell for Sinatra chariot
Seats like grandmas petticoat
Call Lindsey to tard harder

Bay Area Butt Plug

Baggy, charred interior comes with the ability to tow nothing
ShitHouse comes undonked back to you
What should I do with all this time ? I know, waste it !
More brough, More ham
Muddy says " I dare you to smog me ! "
Take your time fixing it - your clientele is not in a rush
Fuck it

The Great 1975 Milwaukee Offering

Milwaukee's Best
Blatz
High Life
Burgermeister
Schlitz
Ol' Mud

Sioux Falls Budget Buyers Corner

Grubby Gran's got ventilated floors and and sky lacquer
Can't stop, won't stop
Live in squalor whilst you don't fix it
Turn it on and roll it down a hill
Seats made from hobo clothes
Dinosaur came along and bit off the front corner
Whatever's cool, I'm keeping and you can have the shit left over
Stacked square cheeto has lazy headliner - call Jason for regret list
Grove ghost has been haunting the fields for the last 20
Mega slabs got it's birdy beak out of the reeds

Bog Your Ass Off !

Knock over all the damn yard furniture you want to
Chevy s-10 takes it in the keister from the mud slut
Own that joke truck that falls apart in the B comedy movie
Christmas Sale !!!
I don't even know what the hell I'm looking at
Sup Florida
Car smart - I'll say
Ol' Miss takes home the gold !!!!!!!!!!!
You win hard
Oh shit, then you win hard again

911 What Is Your Emergency ???

"My Mash unit is buggin out"
"I'm bored 30 over, but my spine is busted in half !"
"I tailgated my ass off in the 70's, now nobody gives a shit"

Hook all that shit back up and be a major asshole
Cop cars out front rarely leads to more business
6k Wet T-Shirt Bonanza
Major nuisance mobile - get on the mic and rage - then grille

Barry Keeps His Shit Tight

His and Her biggy frown brows
GT-37 Bar Fight edition
Haul six biscuits and a pack of gum
Munchie buggies soaked up many blows 
My man washed it off to bring back the finish
Red, white and mirage

Holiday Edition 6x6 !

Give thanks for yards full of shit
Survive detroit in a Max 4
Score yourself a crocagatordile
Get in your Northway and do it

Watford City Booty Clap

Kids drew with shit on the side of this Ford submersible
North Dakota Roughrider Country
Crushed Velvet Tard Blaster
Bug screen, 8 track and seats of human skin
Loads of money on mega motor before realizing car is bullshit
Drive the city of Atlantis
Live the shit life
All this could be yours
RED ALERT ! Opera Coupe
Defy gravity and focus

Pump It Up

You're the best around - no ones ever gonna get you down

Punky Babies

Double Grande with double Webers - two lane road HammerTime
Sculpt a v8 out of bondo and enter a pinewood derby
Strive for average
Krylon green honey on the cheap with Tron wheels
Lost title and all interior, but mechanic says frame is "cherry"
Tampa 210 is know to hibernate by burrowing down into the loam
Brake Fluid - Fasten Belts - Door - =.= Best clock ever !
GX baller !
Factory fresh non-excitement
Here comes Farty !

Triple Cheese

Stacked square headlight Doba is world's end prepped
Cutty's got some dayglo shit goin' on
So much fuckin' comfort
Roll on some chicks without even cleaning it
More effort than they put in at the factory
Paint job like kids pajamas
Beefy Meat's got multi tree freshness
Go Mets ! - Comes with official Ditka toilet

Dopestyle

Ignacio's got you all up in that Brad
Plywood dashes are in season this fall
Polish up your camera lens and Sterling is as good as new
This is not a kit car ! This is one of those rare Ferrari/Chevy combinations in their Grant wheel phase
Eugene throws it's hat in the ring for wackest interior with asshole shifter
Looks like a GT40, but only fucked up in the forest
Sup Brad, Where ya headed ?
Kick the Bobo
TIRES NOT RONS broh

New Mayor of NY Mandates Pre-70 Autos Only

British Go-Cart with shocked expression
Less Good, More Humor
Queens rolls big and green with rosey cheeks
Don't fix the brakes, cause you don't have to stop for any freakin body
Long Island knows how to hook it up with leapord kickers in the trunk
Oh hey Shitty, what's up ?
Outside keeps vagrants out of your plush interior
Frumpy's got mega-blast snorkle and crispy side pipes
Push it to car shows and then push it home
Big Sky for one dollar

Fart The Tub

Factory air horns and huge chunks of cheddar sport seating option
The kinda yard you wanna buy stuff from
Lady Liberty commuter
Put 50 thousand in and it will be easily worth 30 when your done !
Mustang and hood mounted baby package deal
Just put a cop light on it and start pulling people over
Too big to focus or spell right
Zero people want this
Crush the competition

Fat Tit

This guy was so busy for the last 7 years he didn't have time to hook up the vacuum lines
Shit gets real when you call Johnny Parsons

Serious AssWerk

Built to near 1978 factory specs
You'll need to pop the engine out for re-calibration
Put eighteen large in the toilet and pee on it before you flush
Car at our shop-don't waste time-we jumped it in reverse, so you know we are good
I'd fuck with it, but that white cream looks comfy
318 out of a 1988 and super rare 340 emblems for different car - limited
Top of the line smog equipment for 79
This is my favorite ad

This video demonstrates how good life can be.

Deepen Your Pleasure

Keystones and side pipes - yes please
White Wonder's got saggy sofa and 8th dimension mirror inside
Leave the fuzzy dice and Taz carpets at site of purchase
You could have played with your kids instead
Tuck and roll plus MC5
Dowdy original's got lucite cup holders and diamond shit goin' on

Dress As Your Favorite Shitbox

24 Hours Of Lemons Boston - Faakin' Wicked Lineup Broh

Call Bob for crispy GT-ness
Any assneck can race an e30 - be the boss and roll up in the GB hog
Needs restoration my ass - needs racetrack is more like it
Greg hates to see it sit, so bring this cushy Nado to victory
Fresh engine and one foot patch of green - looks like winning
Crocogater took huge chunks out of it - you mash hard now
You say "That's How We Do" and I'm like "Woot"
"Would Make A Great Race Car" - "Needs To Go" - real talk
Run that bitch with the AC on !
Biggie's Ready
Fill it with bees nests and party

Who Sharted ? - 24 Hours of Lemons - Houston Editon

MultiPort birdy shows bits of sunshine poking through gray storm cloud seats
Ran fine 15 years ago - drop a cage in and let's do this
Mindy's got a massive white chocolate chunk with opera windows
Air intake just big enough for non existent motor
Golden Fancy
Bed just big enough to haul all your trophy's around
Run the non working AC to glory in the grubby SkyBird
Slab it out

To Gran Or Not To Gran

Ran when stored Broh, don't even install the new top - just jump some shit
Pahrump hooks it up with mad factory options in the factory dirt outside the factory car
Frumpy wagon set to blow out the Georgia countryside
B-Horror movie pictures for father/son project
Tell Mom to hook up some mud donuts - comes with shop Manuel's
OG interior made from Werther's Original
Chunky's in the barn, Chunky's on the grass.

Fuck What You Think Is Awesome

This is the best movie in the universe

I can't wait for wizards and shit to be the rage again
It's brown with an eagle on the back and all dark inside - what the hell are you waiting for ?
All photos look at least a decade old - get it while you can
Drive backwards and blast the factory CB
You should have to punch a panther in his ass to get this
Grow a mustache on your back
Blood from a thousand hymens on the garage flood
Masshole

North Platte Kicks The Bobo

Call Lanna for wheat nibblin' Ponti
Tried out some red paint then switched projects to pink plastic Jeep
Drag your pink go cart around with a quad
Bum da lum da lum da lum da lum da lum da lum da rumm - ooooh cudaaah
Threats of crusher - trade for cereal box inner cellophane bag
Trade for hick shit and leave wheels and rebel flag in trash can after you leave
Wad of blue gum needs friend and chunky wallet
Be the man and road trip the country
Looks like it's gonna rain starters and tires again today
You bet your ass !
Oh shit, look out !
Shouldn't that kid be in bed right now
Biggy birdegg should be shopping the dairy isle looking for young bucks

Take Time Off and Enjoy Yourself

Boca Raton's got tint/noTint and boss speedo mounted to steering column
Space mountain interior houses cassette deck to play Gary Neuman
Call Gordy for fat finger splitting front bench seats
Recipient of several hand grenades priced about $4k above condition value
Murder Trailer - Die to it being twenty years old
Hang out with these guys and stuff more cup holders and fuzzy shit in your car

Man Up - 24 Hours of Lemons Charlotte Edition

Racing and E30 or Miata ?
That's a lil' bitchy don't you think ?

Strap on some cojones and race with the fat dawgs.

Damn thing's already a race car and the owner's name is Cowboy
Slap a cage on this hog and be the fuckin' man
Get some wind in your hair - drove fine before overheating
Sell those tires for $200 and then rock the 4 wheel drive in the corners
Text this guy and ask for a title
Don't paint a goddamn thing
Rear Window's made of craft paper - Seller considers it a parts car - I consider it a race car
Maro got punched in the face, but she looks eager for glory
Slowest 2 car team

Monday Kit Shit

Toadie's boasting a mini wheel and maxi die shifter - kid with rake not included
Wichita priority shift
Daytona represents Daytona and buys scores of shit from Autozone
Owner passed away trying to fill space on a Ponti chassis
Fleshy Bernardi gets Pinto Ponies
Sup Brad. $2500 frim
Includes be transmission
Call Ray to come over and go slow in his Lambo - Car is complet
Hey Rocky ! Brad's got weepy doors and garbage yard
Healey set to drage
Tilt cab makes up for everything that went bad
Boonie's stuck to the wall of shag carpet

Tri-Cities Set To Flex

Buy a truck with a melted metal slug on the back
Fat Cash Lasable
Call Landon for high priced fleshy dumper
Bottom half made of Wheaties, comes with department store wire wheels
Hey Mom, can Boggy come over ?
Second story is quonset style
Woman in foreground is actual sale item
"SERIOUS BUYERS ONLY" is my favorite part of this ad
Driver's seat made from Twinkie sponge cake, passenger area non optioned
Don't take it personal
Relive the Korean War by invading Lebanon
Nothing more patriotic than drag racing and Opel

Special Edition Motor City Housing Market

Livin' Large versus Rollin' Deep - you decide.

Eastside Tri Bed almost ready to move on in
vs
Grubby Lark with baggy interior and Chevy cap
Stormy Brit got underside made of tomato bisque

Call Sonny to hook it up down river
vs
REO Slowwagon

Drive by showing only
vs
Steve finally fixes that horrible British handling problem
10 Foot Side pipes yo !
Bring joy to your defeated city

Nothing more affordable than foreclosure rage
vs
Brady might not get around to it

Children's Hope Baptist Church - Now with less hope
vs
Sport Coupe package with most parts on hood or smashed through windows

Roll The Ave

Bronze looks like it's in the interrogation room
Salvo Lot gets maximum front seat padding
Gold on Gold sports gauges with no purpose but interior with the most pleasure
Mini Landau with the blood of nations in side
Chrome mommi took a few shots to the dome, but comes with tissue box for real tears
Elephant skin interior, complete with cassette holder

Summer Fun

Angry Cyclops almost showroom
Swap out for that stupid Nova you're never gonna fix
Cadillacs, Volvos and der Panther
Dangerous all day long
Powder Pony
Become the King of Mission, SF
Feel the cat like reflexes under your keister
Enticer says "Hop on my fat blue paddy"
Call Dale for Runs on Spray
Don't part it out - Bet your girl would love it in the living room
If you made this a porch swing, you'd never get off of it
Make Chris' yard of bullshit, your yard of bullshit

Just a couple $ick Kustoms

Do it people; look into the sun

VERY SUBTLE MODS

Hold the phone! Corrugated ground effects in effect

Roll Up Tough

You can take your boss' parking spot when you've got a pickaxe mounted up
LLoyd Alexander looks none too happy
Hello Autozone, yeah do you have heater duct for my Borgward ?
Jersey keeps it under 50
Punish yourself on hot days
Chase fools around on lonesome desert roads
Inflatable pool in the back and then roll the ave

Cleveland Flexes The Nut

Trade for grammar / spelling lessons
Put some lights on the brown one and roll up tough
No hood hot pursuit
Eleven hundred dollars of wet newspaper
I say put a mowing deck on it and be the King of your yard.
Collinte - sounds latin, very exotic
Route 66 theme - trade for pro street

Kit Shit - Heat Wave Edition

Fair Trade for your CVCC
Todd's got that horror show
Interior from the Era
Looks like a mini Stingray ?, Nope, looks like a Grubby Bradley

Bitch Please

Need to be restores cause bears battle in the front seat
Unfactory roof work causes light issues
Very Rare - Zero made with crate 350's from factory
Had plans, but did none of them - needs everything.
Resting quietly on a bed of plants and garbage
Call Lorenzo for photo of motor you can't have
One large for every year it hasn't run

The Sexy European

Deatsville my man
Those aren't leaves, they are chunks of rust
This dodgy bitch apparently goes 150
bad2dbone
Comes with frostbite interior and 9000 mph bumpers

Get To Work In 10 Seconds Or Less

RED
YELLOW
GREEN

How Do You Spell Blingle ?

Comes with 5.0 control box
My man fell asleep on the zero key
Two dollars - purple flames were are sport option for 71
Side mounted vending machine - you know this
Kragen ran out of red paint
Haul some electronics
Worth about 12 gazillion
Burn around town in Starsky's chub

Jordan and Candice Brake That Shit Off Cross Country

Double sliding doors, so you can dive straight through that shit
Slicing door has mad Ginsu action
Space craft comes with hot start issue
Alpine power amp pushes heavy krunk at all campsites
Plumbing issues guarantees party level travel stink
No joy riding the center cup holders Holmes
Lance comes with toilet ready to rock
Camp 4 miles from home or less
Orbit the USA in beige
 Don't stop for fuckin anything
 Roll out Dolphin style
Use the CB to call Smokey when you break down immediately

Houston's Got Crunch

Haul a cracker
Grubby birdy's got an interior like a dump site
Make offert bro - comes with trampoline
Make it run, then go kill some more
When I buy a hunk of shit, I only drink Master Chef coffee
Fucky came to party
Break your arm off sanding

Jeff City Classic

Radiator by Kraft
Trunks strapped down ass' up
Not all comets crash land in Russia
Purchase all the bondo you can
Rare Bel Air jungle desertion model
Lemans, needs just entire other Lemans
Buy it to do an hours worth of burnouts and then return it
sux
Blast out of the earths core
Elite makes people sleepy
Girl in the back comes equipped with Khaki pants
SnoFighter - snow 1, fighter 0
Haul It

Everyone's Dream Car

Lost job and have to part with everyone's dream car
Tail lights attached with shoe glue - rise above
Blow out your eyes and ass whilst driving
Call Don for gigantic Chevy decal
Baretta season is coming up !
Arkansas is the go-to for Gucci
Bewilder everyone
Promising surroundings
Missouri blings the hardest

Tuesday Pleasure Pump

America's Best !
Awesome project don't let it waste
Roll up on the Tampa scene
Dreams come true
Mitsurarri comes with crooked pony
Pink one - a gray one and words I can't read
Climb into those pistachio shells and head off into the future
Where's Brad ? Oh, he's asleep out front

Here Comes Farty

2k grumbler comes with fitted sheet
Angry man sells StinkBird, knows nothing so eat shit
Dad from first segment of Creepshow apparently worth three large
Get there slower than everyone, or just don't get there
Collect newspapers and haul them around
Call Robby for a lifetime of restoration work
Mobile crime scene comes with soiled kids toilet

Brunch With Medford Oregon

Alll Right Donny !!!
Hello, Margot ? I want your car, like right now
Some guy with loads of shit discovered the internet
This bug is all camo out
Haul some tissue paper
Huff some exhaust on those long weekend cruises
Rare glove box in driver's front fender
Norelco editon T-Bird has kush interior
John's addiction to glue has set his price a tad steep
For this price - you can't go wrong
Resembling a crashed meteor - This sale takes ca-hones
What happened to that dog we shot into space ? He's driving this

New Haven Eats The Fart

Last trip to the forest Bro
Red bird flies upside down
Pass out candy canes at Christmas
Yard slab comes with interest lost
This is how I'd roll out
Jumbo's got Cool J's panther in the foreground
Everyone calls you when they move
Bluebirdy is mostly brown underneath

Lincoln, Nebraska Shreds

I'm taking motor for shitRod, you get the rest, God Bless
Most vehicles in Lincoln come motorless
This is what a barn find looks like
These rule, even comes with a motor
Call Jim for Biscayne at all angles
Three large and you can get a cat outta any tree
Confidence for Frumpy in Shitville
Drive your camper directly into the woods
Photo 3 should be photo 1
Throw in some snow and make it an even 2k
Happy to sad beetle headlight mod
Ah, just rub some Fix-A-Sill on it
Interior crushes
Seats upholstered in Magic Shell ice cream coating
Less than 300 in the world lefted
Gonna Be Great

Kit Shit - Washington's Birthday Edition

Lil pink toady's got too many seats
Brad's looking rather un-functional again
Wave of dispair washes over front end
"Was running great until fire and vandalism happened"
Call Big Jim for muddy stuff, priced high, that doesn't include anything
Whilst birding I came across the almost never spotted, NorthWestern Alta GT
Welcome to the future - ash tray worth a billion-trillion
Way to hook it up Spokane
Richard Petty 2013

Michigan Front Bottom

Fleshy Fury's got Hurst shifted auto trans
Red Refrigerator box
Haul some shit in your weepy chedo
First date - sure thing
Pro Freedom - wouldn't do much
Silver car on top is not your car - yours is the one with the flat
Call Joel for no time to show it
Grab hold of that pink nappy wheel and stomp on it - It's Brenda !
Two cylinder burnouts are the best
Better than everything else that costs one thousand dollars
Mega brown's got sport knock in engine
Do some brake stands in this grubby buscuit
Futura is smokey for 78

Meaty Ponti

Trans-Slam into a fence
Sea of white vinyl gets a black fuzzy coat
Blue chubby needs vertical stacked garages to house it
Phoenix not yet rising
Crock vinyl and candy paint Player
Beak bird makes for kickin' wagon
Fremont gets slabby
Fender skirts and fleshy mats
Four speeds - eight tracks
Drop top, drop hood, drop motor - fuck it.
Grandma's Grundle
Show this guy up and drive it away
Looks like Mike Tyson lost a fight in it

1970's Mercury FatGut Classic

Beefy Tego - call and ask for Reuben's Mercury
Florida rolls up the color of a cloudless sky
Huge cougar stalks the produce isle in red
Headlight doors bound with speaker wire - sup
Carpool with your entire block
Maximum Pumpkin
Call Homy for shitty photos
Birmingham rocks that sloppy fastback
Like you pulled it out of a clogged toilet
Stare down the barrel of a brown and salmon steering wheel
Mini wheel, three speed, side pipes
Murky green dredge wagon for restore seems doubtful
Moments from being on fire at all times

2013's Been Good To Me

Brad Rock's Sexual Status at the Lions Club
70 Delta comes with under-dash skiptasktic CD audio
Too lazy to get out ? - Got you covered.
Be the first to drive an operational Willys - or don't
Photo 2's got your boy - photo 3's got your tackle box
NoOne cried when Bobcat Died
Royale Bro
Bog it
Drop Top, comes with acres of gauges and soccer ball