Tri-Mendous

The alternative to all day drinking
Sorry honey, I'll be home late
Rear tray large enough for two flats of Blatz
Roll up cush
This is so 70's killer - I'd push it around if I had to
FF and REV passenger operated
Welcome to magnificence

Farticus - Special Editon

Every day is the 4th of July
The most Florida shit in Oregon
Mega Max - Up your lightning bolt graphics game
Just enough horsepower to drag all that fake wood around the prairie
Goliath front end looks like it's sniffing for fuel
This is like turbo charging an already crushed bag of potato chips

Gaines Bourgers

Starsky's Bucket
Emergency belt expansion
Max up the back on your Corvair
CMX came with special edition, graham cracker corners
Less birdy, more money
Jet Pinto, cause you don't have enough dumb shit

Iowa Takes The Shit

This won first place when nothing else showed up
Trade for a pinball machine
How do you spell stranded ?

Let's Do This

Today it's all about the Carolinas - so let's call it a party.

Pardon Me Sir, Where the Fuck are the wheels ?
Iroc Comes With Everything Except What Makes A Car Go.
RV Sitting As Long As The Camera Lens Has
Nobody Has Ever Seen One Drive By
Lightnin' Rod Shifters For Maximum Tardation
Road Rail's Got Like a Dog and Neon and Shit
Take Your Friends To The Slayer Show

Sandusky Hood Scoop Classic

Bad taste and a big wallet goes to Tardland
Pep Boys must have been having a year end Scoop blowout
Along with maximum hood - this grubby Malibu's got a nice tacky wheel - dice combo
Everyone got a free hood scoop on tax day in Ohio

Beautiful Mt Aire Lodge

Oh you trickster you
Please sell it to me with the photos before you put it together
Unmolested and Rock Solid is how I'd describe it as well
Hate to sell it, but also hate to own it
Buy it for the Tiger Paws
Limited
Interior made of baggy Florida skin
Put some gas in it and drive it straight out
I'd buy anything from this guy
I was really only interested in painting some fuckin awesome eagles on it

Punch It

Super chunchy Cheto has interior that resembles when you drain a lake
Propane in the membrane
Like a 74 Lincoln needs to get any bigger
Whole yard full of leaves
Can of white Krylon and a can of Fix-A-Flat and you're rollin' super deep
Double your M's - Double your pleasure

2014 Is The Shit

Pick up all your friends and hit the town
Busted door, baggy headliner - fuck it - hit the accelerator peg and do 140
Biggy Rivvy's got a dose of not run so much
Classic Car - comes with 5" kickers in the back and false smog info
You heard it on the radio, seen it on the TV - A to the K ?
Here Comes Shitty
Drive the actual Emerald Forest - Bring all your Robert Goulet cassettes
Puzzlingly terrible photography sells the best
Hard times cause major spelling errors
If it only had larger bumpers

Mega Fuck

Self Assembled - carpet is clutch
The TS stands for "Tough Shit" when you're at the auto parts store
Maximum Wackness
Stored in a shed since 1930 with a clear photo of it in the forest with an old guy
Get in to get slow
Cat Rod

Roll Hard Player

Regal - Tagged
Please the neighbors !
Hit your man up for cash only seat blowout
Mono Grip
16" Daytons
Oh look honey, a pile of bullshit.
Sup Doodle Bug
Yeah Merced
Best seat award goes to ....

Burger / Fry

Matching numbers if it came with the "Fucking Loud" option
Crumbles is ready for paint if you don't require fenders
Frustrate a loved one at Christmas - comes with leafy go cart
Under a cover, yet somehow totally filthy
Haul ass for $3500
Whoa
I was gonna do some shit, but instead I just lost the motor
Just touch up the interior and Bam !

Brown Sunday Muskegon Basement Prices !

Signature series Conti comes with rock bottom dubs
Muddy GP equipped with cumbersome door exhaust and storm cloud decor
Feel your way through snow storms in this punky Crown Vic !
Professional disassembler has several bad ideas for sale
Oscars got Monte borded over for luxury sale
Huge pile of snow for sale
Leave it in the yard and watch porn it there
Nobody hates to see this go

The Best

Bozeman Gives Thanks

Haul more drive less
Go wherever the hell you feel like
Package deal enables you to put that windjammer on your Datsun
$50k if you produce a burnout
Special Edition Mega Jumbo
Ram Power ! does not come with four wheeler, or does it ???
Call Russell for Sinatra chariot
Seats like grandmas petticoat
Call Lindsey to tard harder

Bay Area Butt Plug

Baggy, charred interior comes with the ability to tow nothing
ShitHouse comes undonked back to you
What should I do with all this time ? I know, waste it !
More brough, More ham
Muddy says " I dare you to smog me ! "
Take your time fixing it - your clientele is not in a rush
Fuck it

The Great 1975 Milwaukee Offering

Milwaukee's Best
Blatz
High Life
Burgermeister
Schlitz
Ol' Mud

Sioux Falls Budget Buyers Corner

Grubby Gran's got ventilated floors and and sky lacquer
Can't stop, won't stop
Live in squalor whilst you don't fix it
Turn it on and roll it down a hill
Seats made from hobo clothes
Dinosaur came along and bit off the front corner
Whatever's cool, I'm keeping and you can have the shit left over
Stacked square cheeto has lazy headliner - call Jason for regret list
Grove ghost has been haunting the fields for the last 20
Mega slabs got it's birdy beak out of the reeds

Bog Your Ass Off !

Knock over all the damn yard furniture you want to
Chevy s-10 takes it in the keister from the mud slut
Own that joke truck that falls apart in the B comedy movie
Christmas Sale !!!
I don't even know what the hell I'm looking at
Sup Florida
Car smart - I'll say
Ol' Miss takes home the gold !!!!!!!!!!!
You win hard
Oh shit, then you win hard again

911 What Is Your Emergency ???

"My Mash unit is buggin out"
"I'm bored 30 over, but my spine is busted in half !"
"I tailgated my ass off in the 70's, now nobody gives a shit"

Hook all that shit back up and be a major asshole
Cop cars out front rarely leads to more business
6k Wet T-Shirt Bonanza
Major nuisance mobile - get on the mic and rage - then grille

Barry Keeps His Shit Tight

His and Her biggy frown brows
GT-37 Bar Fight edition
Haul six biscuits and a pack of gum
Munchie buggies soaked up many blows 
My man washed it off to bring back the finish
Red, white and mirage